My Window

I stare out the window at the damp, grey sky and I feel the heaviness of this day down to my very core.  I notice the cars as they drive by, but I don’t really see them.  I don’t wonder where they’re going or care what they’re thinking.  I am only annoyed for the inconsiderate interruption.

I notice the light beginning to fade and the shadows shifting.  It will be dark soon, and I will see nothing but my own reflection in the window I look through now… but I don’t budge.  I want only to sit and wallow in my misery.  Staring at the rain helps me wallow and this is why I do it.

Thoughts rush through my head at speeds that would put Earnhardt to shame.  I can’t keep up with these thoughts, they make me dizzy and push me further down the hole I find myself in.

My thoughts are suddenly broken by the sound of the wind whistling, and I again notice the window.  I can still see through it, but I am starting to see my opaque reflection.  And at the moment, my life makes perfect sense.

In the light, I can look through my window and the view is clear.  I see the world and its inhabitants as they pass by.  I live my life based on what I see through that window.

But in the darkness, I see only myself when I look through my window.  In the darkness, I live my life based only on my own selfish motives.

It’s easy to see in the light.  I can get through whatever life throws at me because I can see clearly.  But in times of struggle, it becomes difficult to see past my own reflection.  I cannot see so clearly what life throws at me.  It requires an effort to look past myself.

My thoughts are broken again.  This time by the sound of my children playing.  I turn away from my window to see their happy faces, and my mind stops racing as I watch them play.

My window has reminded me of the importance of what lies beyond myself.  The answer to the question I didn’t realize I was looking for, was in my window all along.

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